Habbeyness
what i’m looking for in a man:
- will lend me his hoodies
- good sense of humor
- is a cutie patootie
- will slay my enemies in a brutal display of violence and paint his face with their blood
- good taste in music
(Source: ohyousillypotato, via uhmonda)
hotels can’t be boring to me
they’re just fun
even if i’m sitting in the room watching tv or riding the elevator or sleeping it’s just fun for some reason like they’re average every day things but in a hotel everything is way more amusing and interesting and just simply being in a hotel is fun to me and i don’t understand
(via uhmonda)
what if i bought a cactus and carried it around and just whacked everyone who annoys me with the cactus
why do people have quiet respectful funerals when i die i want my ashes mixed with glitter and packed tightly into a coffin and then they blow up the coffin with explosives so glitter rains down on the guests while blasting “thanks for the memories” by fall out boy
(via uhmonda)
instead of saying “horny” why don’t people just say “sexcited”
(via trapped-in-my-insanity)
OH MY GOD SO SOME RUDE GUY ON THE STREET PASSING BY ME SAID “TAKE THAT METAL OUT OF YOUR NOSE IT’S DISGUSTING” AND I SAID “TAKE YOUR JUDGMENTAL HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS YOU’RE DISGUSTING” AND THE PERSON WALKING BEHIND ME LAUGHED SO HARD SHE STOPPED WALKING
(via uhmonda)
this one time in primary school we were doing a play and the teacher asked who wanted to be a flower and i put my hand up as a joke but then i actually got the role ‘flower’, i feel like this is what happened when robert pattinson got his role in twilight
(Source: toocooltobehipster, via uhmonda)
